Dearest Inner Butterfly,

Over the last little while, as you can probably tell, I’ve been struggling with how to move forward and take important steps in my own life. So, I’m not just mentioning these thoughts to you but wanting to live them as best I can too. I believe it is one thing to talk the talk, but a whole different one to walk the walk, as I’ve heard. Which is exactly the part that I’ve been trying to figure out- “how can I be brave, and walk the walk in my life?”. One example would be that I’ve been “talking” about is sharing my stories and experiences with others that might be going through similar experiences in letting them know, they are not alone. But I haven’t been very brave in putting my stories out there. I always seem to find a reason to hesitate or not to do it. Either I’d say “it’s too early” or “it’s not ready yet” or “where do I begin?” All answerable questions: “it’s never too early or too late.” “Work on it, one thing at a time.” “Be willing to start somewhere” Lastly “Just write, as easy as that.”

So, you see. It possibly wasn’t the questions but as I found out what’s behind them.  And to me, that came down to fear, as I’ve felt for some time. I just didn’t know of what. “Not being important”- Nope, and if that was it, then I’ve been writing for the wrong reasons all along. “Of what others would think.” Again, same answer as before. “Of failing”- possibly, and we all are at some point.

My fear-unique to me- ended up being was in realizing that I could have an impact on others in a powerful way, and my role in inspiring them. I’ve figured out that I’ve become too comfortable being in the background, and used to my environment changing me rather than me changing it. Thinking it was far easier for me to be inspired by others, and that the reverse was far too out there. Or much like the caterpillar, who is only comfortable taking small calculated risks from flower to flower. I too have been too comfortable only inspiring myself and others from a distance. I’ve been uncertain of how far my potential can take me and possibly change history that evening take the first steps seemed gigantic and too much. Afraid to open the full span of my wings, and take flight. I realized that I’ve gotten too comfortable in the place I am at. As the familiar provides me with security and safety. While the other option is the unknown, and those things are yet to be realized, with a whole world full of questions. While in the mean time I’ve still been dreaming of what else is out there, and how far I could go. Not a very brave butterfly, after all. I’ve always wanted to explore what else is out there, but have been too timid to take those steps into flight. Perhaps, though it’s time to do so and see how far my wings can carry me. 

Yours Truly,

Introverted Butterfly